The older I get, the more I realize I don’t know anything. Not only don’t I have the answers, but I’m not even sure I’m asking the right questions.
In fact, I’ve only recently begun asking questions.
Why am I here? How did the universe come to be, and why? How do we find happiness? How can we stay sane in our crazy, modern world? What happens when we die? What is the meaning of life? How does religion factor in to any of this? And what place do I have in the universe?
More specifically: How can we live the life of our dreams? How can we make the most of our relationships with others? What daily habits can help us find truth? How can we stay positive on a regular basis? And what can we do to stay healthy and optimize the time we have on earth?
Despite my extensive reading on how to be happy, I often feel far away from true peace and contentment in my heart. Despite decades of attending church, I often feel far away from spiritual enlightenment. Despite filling my life with people, I often feel far away from being able to truly connect with others in a consistent way.
Will I ever achieve the wisdom I’m looking for? I suppose that is another question to which I don’t know the answer. When I was a kid, I thought 38 was a ripe, old age and the people who’d hit that geriatric milestone must have everything figured out. Now that I’m 38, I still feel 12 and the great truths of life seem to be hiding behind a veil.
The only thing I know is that I don’t know.
I don’t know anything at all!
And the most startling thing about it is I’m glad I don’t! Confessing to myself–and to you (smile)–that I DON’T know is a sort of letting go… letting go of the bravado with which we humans sometimes cloak ourselves, that crusty outer shell to shield us from our fears and protect us from being hurt. But letting go means opening up to being hollow for awhile, until I have the wisdom to fill the gaps in me. It means ripping down all the walls so I can begin building my life back. And this time it will be more solid, more authentic, more deliberate. More ME.
Words can’t really describe how uplifted I feel by the possibilities. Though painful, this process of finding wisdom is appearing before me as so necessary. And I’ve found the first step, I think, which is a breakthrough for me. This step, which I take nervously, tip-toe first, perspiring all the while, is announcing to the universe that I have no idea where I’m going. I don’t know how I’ll get there. But I do know strongly that it will all turn out okay.
And that I’m on the path to freedom.